April 18, 2011

• Ask a Krisko

  After I started my Ask an Atheist post, I noticed a fair number of the questions were personal in nature, which isn’t exactly what I had intended. While I answered some of them, I didn’t do them full justice. So if you feel so inclined, feel free to ask any questions you may have for your friendly local GodlessLiberal. I’ll be hopping back on Xanga every hour or two to take a break from being productive and to answer questions as they arise.

  • What kind of name is ‘Krisko’? – filthyminds

  I was born Kristopher, and most everyone called me Kris up until college. I was in a dorm with six people named Chris or Kris, so I was hoping to get a decent nickname. One night I’m holding a friend’s hair back while she vomited, and she said something to the effect of “You’re a good guy, KrisWHOA!” Someone overheard, thought she had called me Krisko, and the name stuck. Now the only people who call me Kris are related to me.

  • Who are the Top 5 Xangans you wish to fornicate with? – AlluringAddiction

  First, I have to point out that if you didn’t make it on this list it’s because we don’t talk. While you might be smoking hot, getting to know a woman improves her sexiness to me (except in the cases where you’re a whiny bitch… one of you knows that I’m talking to you specifically). That being said, my list in absolutely no order:

  helvetabrann – We agree on pretty much everything, she’s hot as bloody hell, and for some reason is infatuated with me. Oh, and we get together next week. Be jealous everyone.
  AlluringAddiction – Smart, funny, super fine and a straight up badass bitch.
  TheInnapropriateSkirt – We harass each other on Xanga and Facebook simultaneously, she’s not just fine but fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine (imagine that sang in an R&B voice), and she’s my BMFF – Best MotherFuckin’ Friend.
  rainboxx – Sweet person, a model, a filthy fucking mind, and keeps me company when I’m pulling an all-nighter at my lab.
  haloed – Sexy, funny, and owes me a picture of her ass. Also has given me permission to take up residence in her cleavage.

  • What came first, the chicken or the egg? – UnconventionalButterfly

  Egg, because we have fossilized eggs of dinosaurs going back to the Triassic era, when proto-birds didn’t appear until the Jurassic.

  • Do you crank it with your left hand or right hand? Can you switch it up and use both?- AlluringAddiction

  I can use either/or, but my left hand will never understand me the way my right hand can. I’m glad I can switch it up, though, otherwise I would have been really fucking ornery those times I broke my wrist.

  • have you had any life changing moments (un-related to religion)? – Rose_Hikari

  There are tons of life-changing moments, some much more subtle than we’re usually ready to pick up on. That being said, there are two that stick out in my mind as being very drastic and complete game changers. I’ll share the one that’s easier to explain.

  About three years ago I was walking home to my apartment just off of downtown Minneapolis very late at night. I was only a few blocks away when I got jumped by a couple of meth-heads. Long story short, I pissed them off or startled them or something, and I ended up with a military switchblade sticking out of my abdomen. I got very lucky considering everything, since the blade was nearly seven inches long and somehow managed to miss my spine and any major organ. I spent a month in bed recovering after that, and it gave me plenty of forced reflection time. I realized at that point that I didn’t want to go to grad school (as was my plan at the time), and instead wanted to live my life dealing with people, not lab samples. I got more involved in stand up comedy and social activities on campus, and started living my life to the fullest (well, still at about 80% full, but better than the 40% or so I was pulling before that).

  • [Question about feasibility of faster-than-light travel] – TheSutraDude

  Frankly, everything I’ve read on the subject (Michio Kaku devotes a chapter to it in Physics of the Impossible) means we have to make advances in multiple fields before this is possible. The most feasible idea I’ve heard is the Alcubierre drive, which results in stretching space. But to make this work, we’d have to come up with a way to travel far enough from our solar system so the gravity doesn’t effect the propulsion, which means we need advances in normal space travel first. Beyond that, we need a way to capture and utilize “negative energy,” which at this point is a purely hypothetical concept. With all of that said, I don’t see it as an impossibility, but as very unlikely and something I don’t need to worry about too much in my lifetime except when reading Isaac Asimov or Larry Niven.

  • What made you two thumbs up it in your profile picture? – suggestivetongue

  The picture was taken at a Creation Science Fair in one of the suburbs around St. Paul. My atheist group had been out partying the night before, and decided we’d wake up early, most of us hungover (or, like me, still drunk) and go see this fair. Here’s the full picture:

  

  We’re standing before a trifold poster on crystals, which related to the Bible through Revelation 21:11, which briefly mentions the word “crystal.” Frankly, most of the exhibits at this “science fair” were of the same dubious connection to creationism. We were really hoping for an anti-evolution show.

  • Do you think that quantum entanglement shows the possibility of something traveling faster than light? – musterion99

  I think it shows the possibility of instantaneous information travel, but I don’t really see how it could work with matter. Then again, I’m no physicist.

  • Pipes, bongs, or joints? – Da__Vinci

  I actually am quite fond of my vaporizer. But out and about, nothing beats the convenience and subtlety of a joint.

  • who’s your favorite comedian other than yourself? – jenessa1889

  First, I’m not my favorite comedian by any stretch of the imagination. There are so many great comedians, it’s hard to pick one. Of course I’m a huge fan of George Carlin (who isn’t?). I loved Mitch Hedberg, and had the honor of opening for him one night before he died (also smoked weed with him). Jim Gaffigan is the reason I got into comedy in the first place, because he was just an everyday guy, typical American, with no real shtick to his act… and that’s what I wanted to do. My act has changed quite a bit in the decade I’ve been doing this, but I still love Jim.

  • how did you get into comedy? – jenessa1889

  I developed my sense of humor as a coping mechanism for the muscle spasms and seizures that started in 2001 for me. Some of my friends convinced me to put together a stand up set, and I performed my first show in the basement of a church for about a hundred people.

  • i’ve always been told i should do stand up and i love making people laugh, but I’ve heard you will inevitably bomb a lot in the beginning and idk if my little heart can handle it.   have you ever bombed?   how was it? – jenessa1889

  Oh yes, I’ve bombed horribly. I’ve been booed off stage. I’ve performed to rooms that I just couldn’t work. I’ve performed to a crowd of eight people. I’ve performed at bars where the TVs were still on watching a football game. Everyone bombs, even the best. It’s part of the experience. And if you can’t handle that, it might be best to stay away. However, if you fight past that and live through bombing on stage, you’re a stronger person. I recommend trying.

  • How many women do you current have lusting over you, besides me of course? – helvetebrann

  That have expressed it? Including you, six. And no, I will not name names.

  • Who’s your favorite author and what’s your favorite book? – TheBillion

  Oooh, excellent question. Damn, it’s gonna be hard to pick just one, I have a collection of around 800 in my small apartment. As far as novels, I keep reading “Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore and “Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn. I also love to read non-fiction, and I’m a huge fan of “The Ancestor’s Tale” by Richard Dawkins and “Brief History of Time” by Stephen Hawking (the illustrated one, because I loves pretty pictures). My favorite fiction author is James Morrow, my favorite non-fiction writer is Stephen J Gould.

  • What turns you on? – Rainboxx

  There is nothing sexier than a woman who can make me laugh.

  • What turns you off? – Rainboxx

  Being uptight. Needing constant affirmation.

  • What do you think of girls who are more invested in their physical beauties than in developing a personality that perseveres/a mind that captivates? – Rainboxx

  I think they maybe good for a fuck and nothing more. I can’t even do friends with benefits with a woman like that. The sexiest body part a woman has is her mind.

  • What are the top 3 things you want to do before you die? – a_drunken_cellist

  1) Fall in love with a woman I can be comfortable with for the rest of my life.
  2) Get a TV special for my stand up comedy.
  3) Read every book in my collection. (I’ve got about 200 or so that I haven’t read yet.)

  More! ASK ME MORE!

  

  • 1:54 am
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