If I was on the fence about why there was a reason to come back and start blogging my usual tirades against religion, I was given the final push over the edge. Earlier this week, I had a friend attempt suicide due to untreated depression issues. It was tremendously sad, but it and the nearly 50 stitches accompanying it were a wake up call she dearly needed. But what happened yesterday is on a whole extra level of just fucking wrong.
A friend from high school, we'll just call him D, realized that after years of trying his best to deny who, at his very core, he truly was, it was time to accept reality and help the people near and dear to him to accept the same. The problem is, everyone near and dear to D was strongly tied to a particularly conservative group within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka the Mormons. When D told them that he is, and always has been, attracted to other men, his his friends ostracized him. His church shunned him. His family disowned him. And when D realized that there was nobody in his life who cared more about his well-being than in the immutable writings of books written hundreds or thousands of years ago, D tried to kill himself.
I've lost friends to suicide. Far too many. For a middle class white boy from the suburbs of Minnesota, I've lost far too many people to their poor choices, be it drugs, violence, drunk driving, abusive boyfriends or self-destruction. I think suicide is an extremely selfish act. But being that I also have a history of health issues, both physical and mental, I don't judge people who make this choice. Especially not D. When I feel extremely depressed, I have a giant net of people who are there to catch me, to keep me from plummeting into that dark abyss. D didn't have that. In his time of need, every single person who he counted on to be there for him turned their back. His brother, his mother, his father, his grandparents, his friends from college, his friends from work, his pastor, his congregation... none of them cared more for the life of a sweet, gentle man than for the words of hate passed down through their religion. In the end, a neighbor D knew only in passing saved his life as he dangled by his neck.
If it weren't for religion, the closest thing we'd have to an anti-gay movement is "it's just icky", and you can guarantee that would never get support in the polls. Only organized religion can take an entire person's quarter-century history of good deeds, kind words and well wishing and reduce it down to "he's an evil queer." And only organized religion can have the power to try to legislate this holy mandate to hate into law.
Somebody once asked me what the proper term for homosexual people is: is it gays, homos, or queers?
You know what I like to call homosexual people? People.
Comments (71)
It's a damn shame some people base their lives so much on religion they can't acknowledge their own humanity, let alone that of others without considering it evil or something. I hope your friend, now disillusioned in his associations with it, can finally break free from it and just be himself among people who can accept him as himself. Good post!
i wish that bloggers would start using the word "SOME" when they start slamming christians.
@PrisonerxOfxLove - So you can love the sinner and hate the sin, but I'm not allowed to hate the belief but love the believer?
@whataboutbahb - I assumed it was Curtis, after taking a computer class and discovering how to get past an IP ban.
@Composing_Life - Did I ever use the term "every" either? If you're one of the Christians who doesn't preach hate, good on you. I just wish you were a vocal voting constituent. Did you follow the Republican primaries? These are the people who claim to speak for American Christians, and all they are filled with hate. I see none of the love that I remember being a part of Christianity. None.
Sorry about your friend and I hope he'll be ok. And I agree about the haters in the name of religion. But you think suicide is a selfish act ... but you don't judge? That would be judging.
@GodlessLiberal - You are allowed to do anything you want.
But let's just be clear on what you are doing.You are lumping all faiths and all peoples of faith together into one mass generalization for the specific purpose of demonizing Mormonism. And you are doing that by using the misfortune of your dead friend.
One should mourn their dead, not use them to score cheap, hateful political points.
@RazielV - I don't think education and reform is one of those things that is going to help.
It would take for every child of every conservative person to either be neglected by their parents, rejeted by their society or simply removed from their society. These people tend to never really have any different views growing up. So they're brainwashed.
I'm sorry about your friend.True Christianity shows correction in love not in hate.Thing about a post like this,the only thing it will create is hate since it is written in hate.Christians and non christians alike need to be more sensitive to the words they use and how they use them.
@PrisonerxOfxLove - Let's be honest about what you're doing: misrepresenting somebody so you get to play the victim card and not reading the actual post before commenting.
Curtis, I know that you know that I'm against all faiths that discriminate against others. I'm not writing this post to hate on Mormons in particular... frankly, in MY experience most Mormons are excellent (but often a tad dull) people. And in my experience, it's CHRISTIANS who do the most harm to homosexuals in the US.
I truly don't have a problem with any faith that doesn't harm anybody (at least not one that rises to the same passion I have for Xbox vs. Playstation debates, meaning very little). The problem is that the majority of religions practiced have specific qualities that target other individuals and puts them at harm.
Curtis, if you'd read the comments here (which of course you didn't do, you didn't even read the actual post, otherwise you'd know my friend isn't dead) you'd realize that a lot of religious people here don't feel "lumped in" by my statements, and similarly dislike this aspect of many people's belief systems.
@anonymous - Suicide, by it's very nature, is a selfish act. It is an act about YOURSELF. I know this from a very personal perspective. That being said, what I should have said instead of "I don't judge" is more along the lines of "I'm not criticizing". Suicide is a terrible thing, but I can't stand in judgment of anybody and fault them for considering it. Does that make sense?
@GodlessLiberal - Here is you doing exactly what you are whining to me about: making a misrepresentation.
Only organized religion can take an entire person's quarter-century history of good deeds, kind words and well wishing and reduce it down to "he's an evil queer." And only organized religion can have the power to try to legislate this holy mandate to hate into law.That is a patently stupid statement. It is silly. It is bigoted. It is a misrepresentation.
A word of advice: You should only call out someone's name during passionate sex. And for the love of God, the next time you scream during an orgasm I highly recommend that you don't scream CURTIS!
The only reason you came back to Xanga is because you don't have enough real life people kissing your dirty ass.
You're the Pied Piper of Asshole leading Xanga's village idiots off to the promised land of Your Anus.
Good luck and farewell
I don't know enough about the LDS to know their stance on things like this, but I do know one thing, in my church, D would get all the love and support he can ever need.
@raspberryjade - He's not spreading hate. He's reporting hatred. Your question shouldn't be directed to the messenger. Address it instead to the source of the hatred.
As far as comparing his posts in any way to the kind of hatred you're describing.... that's called "misdirection". It works when you're trying to keep a live audience from noticing that you're using your other hand to sneak the rabbit into the hat, but when the visual information is in print, it falls flat. That's because the audience has time to re-read his original post and compare it to your claim that he's "spreading hatred".
Finally, there is this:
"why spread the hate that drove you away from this place in the first place?"
That's called a "loaded question." You loaded the response with your premise, not an answer he gave. It can be used as another form of misdirection, and fails badly in print for the same reason as your false comparison of his post to "spreading hatred". This is how it works when viewed in a mirror:
Why do you - YOU, raspberryjade - hate messengers who deliver information that contradicts your world view?
You probably think you have to respond to that question. If you do, you missed the point.
@ITS_BACONNN -
Lust is also a sin--commenting on a woman's nipples seems to be going down that path. Maybe you should get some people to pray for you? (Maybe you should also tell other men in that thread that you are praying for them?)
@whataboutbahb - Actually, homosexuality an epidemic and is worse than simply lusting after a girl. Never have I claimed perfection, but homosexuality encompasses so much more. It's against God's law, is caused by sexual perversions (therefore lust), and is a gateway into a community of drugs, sadism, etc. While I believe it was wrong to lust after the girl wearing next to nothing, she tempted me. It is a far cry from being as serious as homosexuality.
It's good to see you back, Krisko. Even though you and I don't see eye to eye on this. Hatred is a human problem, and would exist regardless of whether or not religion did.
I'm not incredibly familiar with the Mormom teachings on homosexuality. But I am a Christian. Christ taught us to love others. I do view homosexual acts as sin, yes. But it is like any other sin. I don't see it as something far greater. To me, sin is sin. Whether it's lying, stealing, etc. And I'm not going to shun you or hate you for being just another imperfect human. My BIL came out as gay just a few months ago. I am happy to say that none of his strongly conservative and Christian family members have shunned him, kicked him out, or anything else. Do we disagree with what he is doing? Absolutely. But he is still family, and nothing changes that.
As a Christian, it's not my place to judge anyone. That right is God's and God's alone.
I'm sorry for your friend.
@ITS_BACONNN -
So what you are saying is:1) Not all sins are equal (many christians would disagree with you on this point)2) you are not strong enough to avoid temptation (but you seem to think it partially excuses your behavior).
lol. cool man. You got a huge plank in your eye that you might want to try and take care of sometime soon.
Also, how is lust not a bigger "epidemic" than homosexuality? It affects much more people than homosexuality. Let me try your argument on for size: "Lust is huge epidemic. It affects most homes in one way or another. It rips families apart. It is a gateway into a community of premarital sex and worldly values (booze, drugs, etc). It affects men by objectifying women and can lead to further sins committed against women. It leads to men blaming women for their own actions." AMIDOINITRITE???
I can completely understand where you are coming from. As a gay man, I realize I've been very lucky to have the support and love of my family (who are very religious Christians) and with only a few exceptions, have had that unconditional support from the very start. There are those who use religion as a cloak in which to wrap their, fears, hatreds, and prejudices. I don't hold the religion responsible for those feelings - I hold the people themselves responsible.
Hopefully, your friends realize that there are people out there who will love and celebrate them for who they are, even if their friends and family are unable to show that unconditional love at this point. If your family of chance cannot love you as you are, build a family of choice.
That's the saddest thing I've read in a really long time.