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  • What makes someone awesome?

    First, sorry for the lack of posts lately. Life has been fucking insane lately. My social life has been all kinds of ups and downs. I moved to Arizona (from Minnesota, for those of you unaware) for an undisclosed amount of time while I take care of my mother as she recuperates from back surgery. But mostly I had no urge whatsoever to write on this goddamned site, or on my other, more permanent site (LINKY). The latter site will get more updates soon. But lately I’ve been dealing with personal drama and working on both my standup routine (which is about to get tested in Tucson, the first showing I’ve given it outside of the upper Midwest) and my book (tentatively titled “The Comedian’s Guide to Evolution”, which actually has a publisher interested).

    But anyways, back to the topic of this post:

    In a recent discussion, @rachelbachel32 and I got in an argument over who is more awesome. This, of course, led to a discussion of what actually makes one awesome. After some back and forth, both of us proffering issues that we would win as evidence, we decided to ask the impartial mob of Xanga the criteria as to what makes one awesome. So please, present your criteria, present your cases, present your arguments, and eventually Rachel and I will present the conclusion as to who is more awesome. And if we cannot come to a conclusion betwixt the two of us, we will offer video evidence and let Xanga decide.

     
    False: Only Rachel or myself can be awesome. There can be only one! Like Highlander, but with less mullets.

    Please, comment, rec, do whatever you can to make this contest as fair and as awesome as an awesomeness contest can possibly be.

    Peace, Love, KriskoDisko

    P.S. Shameless self-promotion: find me on Twitter (like 5 times a day, normally): @KriskoDisko

    P.P.S. How weak is it that Xanga has a “Currently reading, listening, watching, and gaming” but no “currently drinking”?

  • The Birth of Jesus

    This is just noting a few of the most notable issues I’ve found with the Jesus birth accounts, which is by no means exhaustive, but merely the ones I noted during my study of the Bible at the beginning of the decline of my faith. While these have been well documented by many scholars, I came about these by reading nothing but the Bible about five years ago, which I then looked to outside sources to corroborate.

    its-a-girl

    Only two of the four gospels, Matthew and Luke, deem Jesus’ birth to be a noteworthy event (seems pretty fucking important to me, but hey, I’m no 1st century scribe who heard this story second or third hand, so what the hell do I know?). John tells us only of the Incarnation – that the Logos “became flesh” – while Mark doesn’t say anything about Jesus until his baptism at around 30 years old (he probably didn’t do anything important in that time anyways). Certainly Mark knows nothing of the Annunciation or the Virgin Birth. In fact, Mark’s account seems to indicate there was no angelic announcement of Jesus’ birth and godliness, since in 3:30-31, Jesus’ family declare him to be “out of his mind” upon declaring himself the Son of Man. Then again, maybe Mary and Joseph were on to him.

    There are discrepancies in the genealogies of the gospels, which I’ll merely link to and move on.

    Luke 2 tells us that Jesus was born in Nazareth, while Matthew 2 tells us that Jesus was born in Bethlehem, and moved to Nazareth after his return from Egypt.

    Then there’s the issue of the Roman census talked about in Luke 2. It indicates that Joseph was an inhabitant of Nazareth, yet for some reason was compelled to travel to the “city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David.” The genealogies given to us by Luke list dozens of generations between David and Joseph. It’s doubtful that Joseph would even know his genealogy going back this far, let alone which part of his genealogy to trace back (I, personally, would have no idea whether to follow my family line back to Ireland, England, Sweden, Finland, Norway or Northwest America). Furthermore, why the fuck would he be required to return to the land of his ancestors anyways, when a census would likely require him to register himself in the town he lives in? This would be a ridiculous way to conduct a census. Like, Ron Paul ridiculous.

    P.S. Just showing you all what you’re missing by not following me on WordPress: linky.

  • Bill O’Reilly’s “Leave It To Beaver” Nightmare

     

    I think if Bill O’Reilly actually realized that the “good ol’ days” he is nostalgic for had a 91% tax rate for the top 1% and remembered that minorities were severely oppressed, his head would explode. Of course, considering the size of his head, it’s not too far off.
  • One Decade Ago Today

    Ten years ago today I wrote my first and only “party joke” as a stand-up comedian. At this point I had not performed stand-up, but to this day I have created a joke like this despite having, on last check, over 8 hours of stand-up material. So I share with you today, the joke I wrote on my 17th birthday:

    A man goes into his proctologist’s office to get his prescription refilled.

    The man says, “Hey doc, why are you writing with a thermometer?”

    The doctor says, ” Goddamnit, some asshole has my pen!”

    Thank you, hold the applause, just please tell the joke to anyone who would enjoy said joke. It’s gotten as far as Jordan and Dubai, and a few years back I had a friend in New Jersey who told me “this great joke he heard” and recited this back to me. Spread it far and wide, and I couldn’t give two shits about the credit.

    My birthday wish? To make more people laugh.

    This video scared me:

    And on a final note, since I haven’t gloated yet:

  • Jehovah’s Witnesses to the deaf: no masturbation in da club

    Someone dubbed a Jehovah’s Witness sign language video preaching the evils of masturbation to 50 Cent’s “In Da Club.” It provided some much needed levity for me considering how election-focused Xanga is right now.